Sunday, October 01, 2006

 

Virtual Reality BJ's

Don't even get me started on virtual reality BJ's.

Fuck.

 

Paper Mache Replicas

If paper mache replicas don't chap your ass, nothing will. What the fuck is up with the paper mache replicas already? Don't we have enough representations of our tortured reality without having to resort to wet paper sculptures that we learned to do in the Third Grade? Smell the coffee brewing, people.

Fuck.

 

Anniversaries

Anniversaries really chap my ass, you know that? Bicentennials, wedding, birthday, Pearl Harbour, all of these anniversaries are distraxcting us from the CommunoFascistDictatorialRepublicoDemocrat conspiracy. Keep your eyes on the prize and stop being such dopes!

Fuck.

Friday, September 22, 2006

 

Lollipops and the Adults Who Suck Them

Get a clue, fascists! The lollipops and the adults who suck them really chap my ass. It's like, hey, why not get something more adult to suck on? Huh? Ever heard of a Peppermint Patty?

Fuck.

Monday, September 18, 2006

 

Blogs

Blogs really chap my ass, you know that? So fucking whiny and preachy without an ounce of sense or good writing. Who cares about your bland little lifestyle and your musings on whatever? NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR MOST RELEVATORY MOMENT THAT JUST HAPPENED TO BE YESTERDAY WHILE YOU WERE AT THE SUPERMARKET or whateverthefuck. Nobody wants to hear your views on politics because your views are WRONG. Nobody wants to see pictures of your friends. Nobody wants to know what "crazy things" your friends did last night unless it includes handjobs, bikini wax remover, and a bushel of pomegranates.

Fuck.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

 

Primaries

Want to know what really chaps my ass? Primaries. Bunch of retards running for second place behind the RepublicoDemocraLibertariAnarCommuniFascist conspiracy from way back that dominates our lives, buster! Who wants more shit sandwich? ME! ME! ME!! Buncha dipwits with phony promises when all they really want is to take your wallet and shove it up some mountain lion's ass. Yeah. You know what I'm talking about. It chaps my ass, every political bit of it.

Fuck.

 

Pistachioes That Don't Open Good

MAN! Those fucking pistachioes! I mean, what the fuck, dude? I got, like, a whole bag of pistachioes that have shells that you can't break with your fingernails. Now that REALLY chaps my ass when that happens. It's like, why does the pistachioe even exist if you can't eat it?

Fuck.

Friday, September 15, 2006

 

Two Part Harmonies

Those two part harmonies really chap my ass. Like, one stupid fuckstick is singing, and then another, altogether different stupid fuckstick starts singing and it's like, get a clue, dipshits! Why do you need another fucking harmony? You already have the first one! What was wrong with the first harmony? Two part harmonies are a RepublicoDemocraLibertariAnarCommunist conspiracy, buster. READ BETWEEN THE LINES.

Fuck.

 

Restraining Orders

Oh, don't even get me started on restraining orders. Those fuckers really chap my ass. You make a few threats and the Man slaps a restraining order on you. Get over it! Heck, I didn't even mean half the things I said! I was just upset that... oh, never fucking mind. Don't even get me started on restraining orders. I got so many restraining orders I wallpapered my dungeon with them. You can have an ass chapping good time in my dungeon, I'll tell you what.

Fuck.

 

Brady Law

Waiting five days to buy my gun really chaps my ass, you know that. Really chapping it today. I want my fucking gun already! NOW! What, I have to wait around while some retard checks to see if I have a criminal record? Just give me the fucking gun already! My money is just as green as the next guy's. This whole gun waiting thing really chaps it.

Fuck.

 

Stuff That Takes Time

What's the hold up? I mean, why does stuff takes so much fucking time? I don't have all day, here. I'm super-fucking busy and I don't have time to wait around. This stuff that takes time REALLY chaps my ass. Hurry the fuck up already!

Fuck.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

 

Katie "Blow Job" Couric

She really chaps my ass, that Katie Couric. Damn blow job queen. What makes her so special? She only took that anchor job because she needed money to reconstruct her fucked up plastic surgery riddled face. Got two words for her: Get off my t.v. screen.

Fuck.

 

You

Yes, YOU. You really chap my ass, you know that? Fucking A. Just chapping my ass all day long. What with your fucking noises and worries and complaints. Get over it! If you didn't have your pig-headed head up your ass all day long you might be able to smell the conspiracy cooking by your next door neighbors. Go on. Vote for the Man. You deserve him.

Fuck.

 

Funerals

Funerals really chap my ass. Fucking dead people. What the fuck? What, you die and now we have to throw a pity party for you? Boo fucking hoo. I can get on with my life, why can't those fucking dead people? Know what this is? It's a RepublicoDemocrLiberaniAnarCommunist conspiracy from WAY back.

Fuck.

 

That Yan Can Cook Guy

That fucking Yan Can Cook guy. Fuck him. He really chaps my ass, you know that? I mean, who cares about Yan Can Cook? I don't give a rat's ass if Yan can cook. He's always pushing his cooking on people. What's the deal with that? I can SEE that you can cook, jerk off! What kind of name is Yan, anyway?

Fuck.

 

Anger Management Courses

Those things suck. Fucking anger management courses. They REALLY chap my ass. Buncha retards telling me that I have anger issues. I don't have anger issues! Issues have anger with ME. If people would just stop being stupid and pay attention to what's going on in this country, there'd be no need for your mandatory anger management courses.

Fuck.

 

RepublicoDemocraLibertariAnarchists

That's right. People. People really chap my ass. I mean, what's the deal? People, GET A CLUE. The RepublicoDemocraLibertariAnarchists are RUINING this country. Like, one man one vote! HELLO!? Anybody home?

Fuck.

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